The Deaths of The Grand Tour Celebrity Brain Crash: A Look Back In Memoriam
Despite being amazingly popular, The Grand Tour was not without its criticisms. Along side the American, fans and critics alike are hoping that Celebrity Brain Crash will meet as grizzly an end as Daniel Ricciadro did in the season finale. One of the biggest issues critics seem to have with the segment, other than it being completely ridiculous, is how scripted it is.
Since the whole debacle came about because of a legal dispute with the BBC, it’s unlikely that The Grand Tour will ever have a normal celebrity segment. It remains to be seen though if the producers will listen to the fans on this one, or if they’ll continue on with Celebrity Brain Crash in subsequent seasons.
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Here’s a look back at all of the celebrities we “lost” this season.
Episode 1: The Holy Trinity
The season premiere saw quite a bit of carnage, starting with big name star, Jeremy Renner. Wanting to start off the segment with a bang, the star was going to jump from a plane and parachute into the studio. Sadly, it seems the chute didn’t open… Luckily they were prepared for tragedy.
The trio then welcomed another Hollywood star to the tent, Armie Hammer. However, there was nothing they could do but watch as he was attacked by a snake, and anyway snakes hunt in packs… So, was he coming on? No, he finished writhing around in agony and died, according to Hammond.
There was in fact a celebrity in the tent, though no one in the American audience seemed to know who she was. Carol Vorderman was a British television personality and math wiz, who was once the highest paid woman on TV. Sadly, we also don’t know how she died, but dead, is what she was.
Episode 2: Operation Desert Stumble
In this episode, the trio were set to welcome South African local and another big name Hollywood actor, Charlize Theron to the tent. She had decided to walk, rather than take the hover craft that was offered, and that might have been a safer choice, but for the lion. So, was she coming on? No, she had in fact been eaten by a lion.
Episode 3: Opera, Art and Donuts
Poor Simon Pegg never stood a chance against those seagulls. Everything seemed promising for the actor, as he made his way through the quiet port town of Whitby. As he neared the tent, however, he was attacked by a hungry bunch of seagulls, who were allegedly after his Cornetto (that’s an ice cream cone to you and me). So, was he coming on? No, he fell into the harbor and the icy North Sea waters filled his lungs, according to Richard.
Episode 4: Enviro-mental
Back in the North Yorkshire town of Whitby, British comedian, Jimmy Carr, thought he’d be safe and start in the water. Electing to arrive by jet ski, he literally ran into trouble when, just outside the tent, a large boat blocked his progress. Naturally, there was an explosion. So, was he coming on then? No, as Richard so eloquently put it, he had burst and become basically chum on the waters of the harbor.
Episode 5: Moroccan Roll
Looking at the set up of this one, we’re sure we weren’t alone in assuming that Dutch rock band Golden Earring were going to be flattened by the giant shipping container dangling just above them. This was not the case, however. Instead, they were simultaneously electrocuted by a cable that had fallen into the water. So, were they coming on then? No, they were in fact subjected to a lethal dose of electricity and were lying on the ground sizzling, explained Richard Hammond.
Episode 6: Happy Finnish Christmas
Not such a Happy Christmas for Formula One fans and for Kimi Räikkönen. Some thought that they could have been a little more creative with this one, but others found this untimely death quite appropriate for the driver, who is apparently a bit of a drinker. So, was he coming on then? No, as Hammond put it, his liver had failed and he was slowly solidifying in the freezing dusk of an Arctic night.
Episode 9: Berks To The Future
Perhaps what made Nena the best sport of all was that she apparently agreed to arrive via 99 red balloons. Probably not the best idea considering The Grand Tour’s track record with air born celebrities. So, was she coming on then? No, according to Richard, she had floated up into the stratosphere, her eyelids had frozen over and her lungs were inside out. Graphic, but not entirely inaccurate…
Episode 10: Dumb Fight At The O.K. Coral
At least the death of ACDC frontman, Brian Johnson, taught us a valuable lesson. If a football is thrown your way, whatever you do, don’t catch it because you will be trampled by a random football team out for a jog. So, was he coming on then? No, he had been hammered to the thickness of an envelope and his spine was now a jigsaw. Lovely.
Episode 11: Italian Lessons
Perhaps, being on the edge of a lake, drowning seemed a little too obvious a death for Sir Chris Hoy. Naturally, the only response was to have his row boat hit a mine in the middle of Loch Ness. So, was he coming on then? No, as Richard explained, he’d been exploded and reduced to chops and offal.
Episode 12: [Censored] to [Censored]
Who knew Tim Burton had a license to drive a submarine? So as not to repeat the previous week’s mine debacle, the obvious answer was to have him sneak underneath them in a sub. If you were like us, you were waiting patiently, for Nessie to show up. Like in a new age sci-fi thriller though, it was left mostly to our imagination what happened down there. So, was he coming on? No, as Hammond put it, his lungs had filled with icy water, he sank to the bottom and his body was being compressed to the size of a ping-pong ball…
Episode 13: Past v Future
By far, the most gruesome of celebrity deaths, was Formula One driver, Daniel Ricciardo who had a rather literal brain crash. Time and again on old Top Gear Jeremy showed us the dangers of the hover craft, but that didn’t stop Ricciardo. He was apparently thrown back into the enormous fan after having crashed into the tent. So, was he coming on then? No, he’d been liquidized and was all over the window. As Jeremy put it, he was not so much in the tent as on it…
Is it just us, or did they have a little bit too much fun with Hammond’s over-the-top descriptions? Perhaps, that was the only good part of the whole sketch, scripted though it was. Either way, we bid the late celebrities of Celebrity Brain Crash a fond fair well and hope that next season we, and the world’s population of famous people, will be spared from this segment.
Loved Grand Tour but please dump the Celebrity Brain Crash and the stupid American
Couldn’t of said it better. ..
Kill the Celebrity Brain crash, the American, constant references to penises and the tent. Apart from those keep up the good work. PS no more stupid SWAT antics either.
13th was the charm!
I thought it was funny and I hope they continue it,